Almost Summer

I have 2 more days in Lone Peak High School, about 6 more hours! I have hated it there so much, I can't wait to get back to MY school. 5 days until I'm back in Arizona which is really raising my spirits. Hopefully things will get back to normal soon! I am so excited to see all my old friends and some new ones :D

I spent probably an hour last night just watching it rain. I don't know what it is about it but it really calms me down when I'm having anxiety problems. Then I talked to Rebecca (my best friend) for a long while. I really miss her and can't wait to spend some time with her in Florida! I fell asleep at midnight but I still wake up at 8 no matter what! I have been staying up until 3 lately and its not doing much to me in the mornings surprisingly, however it can't be to good for me. Maybe I need some insomnia meds... 

Cass and I have not been talking at all and it makes me worried. But I'm not relying on him like I used to which is good. He doesn't seem to love me like he claims anymore. At least I have options now. (I'll see how good they are once I'm back.) I like boys to much for my own good!

Anyhow, life is going great and I couldn't be happier right now! 

"Here is the deepest secret nobody knows..."

I wish I could tell you how I feel, but I don't even know how real it is yet. I need to be in Arizona and straighten out my life so much. You are like the sunshine that is slowly bringing me out of the dark. Maybe you're reading this right now and wondering if I could possibly be talking about you and doubting it, don't. It is a mad world after all. 

..."here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

I carry your heart (I carry it in my heart) "

 <3عشق

Havn't Posted in a While...

So many things have happened! I'll just make a list since its what I'm best at

• Passed out down the stairs(guess I wasn't just paranoid in my last post!)
• Got great grades for once
• Found out my bf isn't all he once seemed to be
• Met some great people, some a little to late since I'm outta Utah in a week
• Found myself again
• Got into religion and decided I'm not what I have always claimed to be
• Became more optimistic about life
• Got a state ID, just what I've always wanted
• Did NOT stop my sarcasm
• Changed my plans for the future drastically
• Acquired a lot of secrets

Lonely Island for a Lonely Day

Overall it was a pretty bad day for me. Woke up around nine and my neck hurt really bad. Must have slept in an awkward position. Then I had to watch Cole and Heather pretty much all day nonstop until 2 while my mom went through her stuff up stairs, not very fun. Meanwhile I looked up some videos and decided I really like Andy Samberg. He's hilarious and pretty attractive if I do say so myself. I think I'll start watching snl now just because of him lol. Around 4 I started to feel really sick to my stomach and passed out on my bed for a few hours. I feel okay now but still not "good."It seems like I've been sick off and on every month since we have moved. It's probably just stress related, but who knows.

Found out that we aren't moving until the end of May now. I'm really tired of getting my hopes up. I tried talking to Cass about it but he only made me feel worse with his "it’s not so bad" thing. Not moving for another month means probably not going to see Rebecca in Florida, not starting school at Hamilton so I won't see any of my friends until next school year, being stuck in the house nonstop for 2 months, and probably not getting to take driving classes (which are total bull anyways).

Cass got his license, which I'm happy for him but it just reminds me of how I won't be getting mine until I turn 18 most likely. Why can't I just be a normal teenager? I have zero freedom, and I feel like a freaking mother to Cole and Heather, I spend more time with them then I do on myself. My parents tell me that this is what teenagers do. But I know that it’s not. Nobody else that I know doesn't have a license and doesn't get to go hang out with friends or have a boyfriend. Just for once I want to be able to go somewhere with my friends on the weekend and spend the whole day with them and not have to have my parents talk to their or have to spend the night at their house. And every time I bring it up to them they say something like "what friends" which is rude because they know that I have friends in Arizona but here I'm alone and it's not my fault. (Hopefully you've stopped reading by now because I'm ranting I know). 

Panda Headphones

Found these while searching around Fred flare, birthday present anyone? only $15 too. Its amazing the kind of stuff you can find online. Which reminds me I need to start making a list of things I want for my bedroom when I move, first room I have ever really had, to bad its only for a year. That's not to say I'm not excited to get into my own apartment because that is, above all things, what I can't wait for. 

Easter & such

Well, yesterday was Easter and it was a pretty boring one as well. Holidays never are that good w/ my family but what is to be expected? It was Heather's first and she didn't get the whole egg hunt thing but she liked the bunny ears a lot. I miss how Easter used to be when we went to church and could go outside. 

Coral had her baby and I was surprised at how sad I was that I couldn't be in Arizona to go see them. It seems  that I have missed so much in this stupid move to Utah. Words can't express how happy I am to be going back in ... 17 days  now! 

It's spring break and I don't have school for another 7  days. Then its just 5 days left in Lone Peak High School  (thank Jesus for that) then 4 days of movers in the house and then back to the homeland. I have hated it so much here that it's  almost surreal to be going back to the place I have longed  for. I don't feel happy like I know I should...  maybe once it  sets in I will be more excited. 

TO DO:

-clean out room before movers come

-finish Life of Pi 
-write letter to English teacher
-let my nails finally grow 
-dye hair
-create diet/exercise plan
-talk to friends more
-look up colleges and showing schedules if its not to late
-be more optimistic